As someone who feels truly uncomfortable in front of the camera, I had to do a bit of soul-searching to discover the real reason WHY that is. There are plenty of people who truly don’t mind having their picture taken, some even enjoy it! And there are lots of people who would rather go to the dentist than have a camera pointed their way.

In this post, you’ll find out the REAL reason why we are so miserable when it comes to photos of ourselves and what you can do about it.

Having your portrait taken can be a scary experience. That fear and feeling of being uncomfortable comes from within. This is something I’ve struggled with myself, which is why I know this experience so well (there’s a reason I’m on the other side of the camera after all).

First and foremost, that feeling of dread, fear, sometimes annoyance, and finally surrendering with the expectation of the worst comes from the thoughts we’re having in our heads. Other people have different thoughts, which is why they feel differently. Maybe they’ve had different experiences in the past and learned to think about it in a more positive light, but our past circumstances don’t necessarily have to define our feelings or beliefs that we have.

As women (and it’s often the women who hate photos of themselves most), we are taught to always be beautiful, youthful, and pleasant around others. Perhaps not in those exact words, but those concepts have permeated every aspect of our society - from movies to magazines to your Mom telling you to sit up straight and smile. If we see a picture of ourselves where we look tired or god forbid have wrinkles, our formulated self-perception shatters. We are repelled by the thoughts that contradict everything we think we should be and everything we think makes us valuable in this world.

The other feeling that comes up is that of self-value. When we question our value, our confidence goes down and we want to become small and inconspicuous. People with great confidence (the kind that doesn’t come from external validation, but from an internal feeling of self worth) walk into the room with their head held high, their body straight and expansive, and when they sit, they take up space and aren’t afraid to do so. When we don’t feel confident, we hide. We collapse on our body when we sit with our legs and arms pulled in close and our back hunched over (you can read more about confidence and body postures Amy Cuddy and her research here: https://www.inc.com/business-insider/amy-cuddy-the-poses-that-will-boost-your-confidence.html).

Think about how you walk into the room. How you sit when you have a conversation with others. It will tell you a lot about your true self-confidence and if it’s something you need to work on.. because that self confidence plays right into how we feel about being seen.

When there’s a camera in front of us, with a person who is looking at us while they take our portrait, if we don’t have that self-value and inner confidence, we start to feel uncomfortable. We feel like we’re not worthy of all that attention and would prefer that nobody look at us instead.

If our perception of ourselves is fragile because it is based on other people’s (or society’s) opinions of us (which in reality are thoughts we think others think about us.. crazy right?), then a bad photograph will bring down our confidence and make us feel bad, which we, as human beings, always want to avoid at all cost. If we don’t have that inner feeling of self worth, we allow external images to dictate how we feel about ourselves.. which is why we dread or are scared of being photographed because we don’t want to feel negative emotions about ourselves if the photo isn’t what we think it should look like.

Now, there’s a lot that goes into creating flattering portrait of someone. But in everyday situations, whoever is taking your picture (even if it’s you taking a selfie) isn’t going to be aware of all the guidelines for slimming the body and finding the best light. So more often than not, you’ll end up with a picture that isn’t all that great. Over time, if you see enough of these not-so-great pictures, you can start forming the opinion that you aren’t pretty, thin, youthful, etc.

Understand that It’s NOT YOU.

Cameras capture a split second of time. Because our faces are constantly moving, with tiny little muscles creating all sorts of expressions, you don’t actually look like that to other people in real life. One of the most important things I do when I photograph people is wait. I watch for those in-between moments when the person in front of the camera looks relaxed, happy, or pleased.. all things you can’t force out of someone. And I know to do that after years of practice.

So if someone with less experience is taking your photograph, you might not like the results as much. My suggestion is to have them take many shots while you vary your expression and position in order to have plenty of images to choose from in the end and hopefully you’ll like at least one. The point to remember is that you’re not going to look amazing in every photo, and that’s okay, because nobody does.

And here are some tips for how to feel more comfortable in front of the camera.

1. Exposure therapy! Instead of running away when a camera is pointed in your direction, simply jump in and practice having your photograph taken. After a while, it will stop being such a scary experience.

2. Notice that your children/husband/parents never care what you look like, they simply love you for who you are. Children especially don’t care one bit if your hair is out of place or if you have makeup on. Cultivate that feeling of love and acceptance in yourself as well. Remind yourself that you don’t need to look a certain way to be beautiful!

3. Spend some time in front of the mirror to find your good side (the side of your face that photographs better than the other), flattering poses, and postures. That way you can be a bit more prepared when you’re in front of the camera.

4. A double-chin will ruin any portrait immediately. Try slightly extending your chin towards the camera to eliminate any double-chin-in-waiting. Make sure not to bring your chin up, though, which is a common thing that happens.. if you feel like a turtle, you’re probably doing it right.

5. Try to relax. The more stressed out, tense, or apprehensive you are, the worse you will photograph. This is the issue I struggle with the most, because when you hate being in front of the camera, relaxing into it is really really hard! Taking a few deep breaths before and during the process will definitely help, as will thinking about something you like/love/enjoy instead of what’s actually happening.

What do you think? Do you hate having your photo taken? Or are you one of those people who never minded portraits? Let me know in the comments below!