Remembering What's Important Among Everyday Chaos

It doesn’t matter whether we’re undergoing a global epidemic quarantine or are simply trying to get through a typical day with the children, our world often tends to be full of chaos. It’s the little things. Meltdowns over seemingly little things, people getting on each other’s nerves (especially siblings), and endless negotiations just to get kids to do what they should be doing.

But in the end, there are some things that we should all keep in mind, every day, to remember what’s actually important. And more than ever, NOW is a great time for that little reminder.

You are still alive

We often forget how fleeting life is. It might not be people’s favorite topic, but simply being alive is a wondrous and miraculous thing. It’s AMAZING. And the fact that you can literally die at any moment, any day, makes it that much more precious to appreciate the fact that you are still breathing. Your children are still alive. Your spouse is still alive. You are able to enjoy life and appreciate it. And let’s face it, that’s very much a privilege we take for granted. So when we yell at our children because they refuse to listen, we need to remember how lucky we are to even have children to begin with! Not to mention the fact that they are probably fairly healthy at this moment and are most likely having a pretty great childhood with loving parents.

Appreciate what you have

As humans, we always seem to want more. If you set a goal and then reach it, you won’t be satisfied… instead, you’ll move right to setting a bigger goal for next year. If you have a house, you probably want a bigger house, in a better location. In you have a car, you’re probably eyeing a newer model with snazzier features. You might no longer like your current wardrobe and want some more fashionable new pieces for spring. A new purse, shoes, or piece of furniture, are always calling your name. It never ends. We strive to acquire more stuff, upgrade our property, get more money, or simply do or have MORE.

But taking a moment to appreciate and love the things we currently have, without wanting something else, is a wonderful thing we all should do more of. Take a moment to appreciate your current car - how much work it’s done for you, how reliable it’s been, and think about how much you appreciate that. The truth is, nobody really needs new things. We don’t need bigger houses, we simply want and desire them. And desire, according to the Buddhist teachings, is the root of all suffering. And really, isn’t that the reason why we struggle so much in life? So try to put a little more thought into appreciating what you have and a bit less time into looking around for new things to acquire.

There is always a solution to any problem

We sometimes get stuck with a specific problem we are having, or an issue we can’t seem to solve. We focus on it, make a mountain out of an anthill, and spend days ruminating and feeling sorry for ourselves. This serves absolutely no-one. I truly believe that there’s a solution for every single problem we encounter! All we have to do is dedicate some quiet time to coming up with possible solutions and simply pick one to act on. Whether it’s lack of money to do something (you can borrow from family, from a bank, put that amount on a credit card, or simply decide that it’s not really worth doing the thing to begin with), a person who you’re having an argument with (you can stop being friends with them, apologize, or forgive them), or the fact that the kids endlessly ignore you (maybe ask you husband to tell them to do things, which always seem to work), a solution is always there for you. So stop dwelling on so-called problems and start figuring out how to solve them, so you can move on with your life and actually enjoy it!

Cherish the people who are important to you

The people who are closest to us are the ones we take for granted the most. I know this from personal experience as my poor immediate family members are often the outlet for my dissatisfaction and anger. I have to remind myself every day to appreciate my boys and my husband, because, quite honestly, it’s never top of my mind. Some of the best ways I found to remind myself of how much I appreciate my family are having portraits around the house, journaling my thoughts, stopping for a moment to gently pat my son on the head or give him a hug, practicing mindfulness, and consciously thinking good thoughts about them (vs how much I might be annoyed at the moment).

Self care should always be a priority

You should always put on your oxygen mask first. If you’re not well taken care of, you can’t take care of anyone else. Period. This is something I learned the hard way when my first son was a newborn. Taking care of him was all-consuming, and I put him and everyone else before myself, which lead to a bit of an emotional breakdown that first week. It’s never worth sacrificing yourself, your health, or your sanity for other people, because you’re no good to take care of anyone else if you don’t have those basic necessary things first. So instead of feeling guilty about taking an hour to watch Netflix to unwind, make it a priority (or insert whatever activity makes you feel like yourself again).. and never, for even one second, allow yourself to feel mommy-guilt because of it!

There is are so many motivational posts out there right now (in the time of the Coronavirus shut down). The advice is to take this time to do creative things, get projects done that you’ve never had time for, read, learn, reach out to others, take charge of your life, and the list goes on. But the reality is that we’re all just surviving right now. We’re going through something that’s so different from our normal day to day life that it’s actually really shocking psychologically for most of us. It’s hard enough to homeschool kids and feed the family, add trying not to get sick and worrying about the state of the world on top of that, and it becomes really hard to do anything but eat ice cream and drink wine starting at noon.

The worst thing we can do right now is feel bad about not utilizing this time however we think we’re supposed to. Once again, speaking from personal experience, it takes at least 3x longer to do anything that requires brain power right now. Instead of this idealized vision of me reading books all afternoon and patiently teaching my children all the subjects they’re supposed to be learning, I find myself barely surviving until lunchtime.. at which point I promptly give up all hope of getting anything accomplished and take an hour to drink my afternoon tea trying to regain some mental capacity. I don’t care what anyone says on Facebook or what stories people are posting on Instagram, this isn’t some easy happy time for most people. Remembering what’s important - truly important - in our lives is something that WILL help us get through this.